


If My Intensity's Still Gonna Kill Me

by 2piecescollide



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, based on fake spoiler twitter account, fuck the plot, i mean kinda, void!bellamy, what am I doing here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2piecescollide/pseuds/2piecescollide
Summary: “Ready to kill me?" She asked him like that was the best way to start a conversation.“Already born for this, Wanheda.” The alias hurts her more than necessary. She wasn’t the commander of death and he knew it. They did what they had to do in Mount Weather together.“I never quite understood why I was given this alias and not you.” She looks into his eyes, fiercely. “You know you also had your part in those people’s deaths, right?”He looks confused for a moment. But only for a brief moment. When she least expects, he throws his body over her own, his heavy body hurting hers. Her arms are strongly held above her head with the help of one of his hands.-Kinda void!Bellamy fanfic, but more focused on some fake twitter spoilers and some old lines because why not? They're there for a reason, even if it's just for fanfic reasons.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	If My Intensity's Still Gonna Kill Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, folks! This is my first time posting a fanfic since season 2, the first time posting an English fanfic (and on AO3, can't believe I'm losing my virginity twice with this fanfic), so please be patient, I have no idea what I'm doing over here, I'm just pissed at Jason and after a breakdown over a tweet from a fake spoiler account (the way we've reached the bottom line, fam...), I couldn't stop writing this.  
> I couldn't evolve void!Bellamy the way he deserved, he's too baby. But I tried.  
> Anyways, enjoy the ride, we can meet up in the end notes xx

Her eyes filled with tears for seeing him like that. Not even after she left him to die in the fighting pits he was like that. He always had somehow a touch of kindness in his eyes, even though he hated her for what she did to him.

The only time she ever saw him like that was during the Red Sun. Her hands instinctively reach her neck, remembering that weeks ago he tried to kill her by strangling her. Though he was acting merely because of a toxin.

Now he was there, angrily staring at her through a glass wall. He was reprogrammed to murder her.

Dying by the hands of someone she loves. A perfect redemption for the commander of death, right? She couldn’t avoid nervously laughing at the situation, attracting curious stares from the disciples.

Let them think she’s crazy. She simply doesn’t care anymore. Since she saw the lack of kindness in Bellamy’s eyes, she stopped caring about everything and accepted death with open arms.

Hers and his.

•••

“So, you guys simply delete other people’s memories and think it’s okay?“ She asked while she’s been taken to the room where Bellamy was still watching her. The time has finally come.

“Everything was supposed to be easier, but he didn’t help. We don’t delete memories, Clarke, we just extract them to capture prisoners who need redemption.”

She couldn’t avoid a little smile. Of course he had resisted and had fought against them, she wouldn’t expect anything different than that. Yet, when she came closer to his deadly eyes, she felt extremely bad. He was tortured, just like so many other times through their journey.

She... she just wanted to be by his side, holding his hand just like he did to her in Polis when she had to go to the City of Light. Fighting with him. Together.

She couldn’t believe she let all those Sanctum problems make her forget about Bellamy for two nights straight. In what was she thinking? That he was fucking Echo while she suffered for her mom? She was pretty stupid, he would never abandon her out of the blue!

“And how exactly our memories help you fight the last war of human race? From what I see, you’re killing two people here today, because there’s no way I’m letting Bellamy go as an emotionless disciple.“

“Clarke... since when does anything in this show make any sense?” The disciple smiles and unlocks the door, letting her enter the room and stare at Bellamy, eager to put his hands on her.

“It’s been a while since you left me, Wanheda. Surprised?”

•••

She holds her breath and feels her heart racing when she’s left alone with him. She can’t handle those emontionless eyes anymore.

She thought about just letting him kill her easily. But she wasn’t allowed to think like that. Not when she needed to kill him in the process so he could be free. She wouldn’t be in peace knowing he’s living like this, with his memories corrupted.

She sits on the floor and he sits in front of her.

“Ready to kill me?" She asked him like that was the best way to start a conversation.

“Already born for this, Wanheda.” The alias hurts her more than necessary. She wasn’t the commander of death and he knew it. They did what they had to do in Mount Weather together.

“I never quite understood why I was given this alias and not you.” She looks into his eyes, fiercely. “You know you also had your part in those people’s deaths, right?”

He looks confused for a moment. But only for a brief moment. When she least expects, he throws his body over her own, his heavy body hurting hers. Her arms are strongly held above her head with the help of one of his hands.

“You liar! You killed those people, Clarke!” He shouts while her body trembles to the sound of his angry voice. “And I was stupid enough to forgive you, when you clearly didn’t deserve any kind of forgiveness!” He uses his other hand not occupied with her arms to go straight to her neck, strangling her one more time. Obviously he’d take longer to kill her that way, but it wasn’t impossible, especially with her still immobilized by his body’s weight against her body. She needed to keep talking to him, to trigger some emotion, just like she did to Madi when Sheidheda was in her head.

“Bellamy.” She starts with barely no voice from the strangling. “You, me and Monty killed those people to save ours.” She gasps for air. “We both pulled that lever!” She doesn’t have enough air for a long explanation, so she lets the word slip in a whisper. “Together.”

The word seems to have some effect on him, since his hands are suddenly away from her and goes straight to his head, just like he was remembering some memories. But some foggy memories.

She coughs and feels her throat hurting, but she just can’t stop. Her wrists have strong marks that will soon be black and blue ones. If she’s able to scape that alive.

“And then we became besties.” He affirms, looking at the floor. “Bounding over the actual genocide in Mount Weather.” She looks at him surprised. “Together.”

Clarke can’t believe in what she listens. Of course! They only corrupted the memories where she was with him! This one memory wasn’t her talking to him, but Josephine. She had to take some advantage in those moments where she was there secretly, sharing the mind space with Josephine.

“Yeah, Josephine said that. We became best friends, don’t you remember?” He shakes his head negatively and she closes her eyes. She needs to go further.

“Bell, what do you feel looking at me?” That was an unspoken question for years, since she never had the courage to ask. When she finally had the courage, there was a lack of opportunity.

He stares deeply into her eyes. “Hatred. I wanna kill you, princess.” He stares the floor again. “And I don’t even know why I feel that need.”

“Let’s start with something simple. Why do you hate me?“ She can’t stop staring at him, and she won’t stop so soon.

“Because you’re not the good guy.” He turns his stare at her again.

“There are no good guys, Bellamy. We all did something for our people, for the human race at some point in our life.”

“You just don’t get tired of this same excuse, Clarke?” He stans up angrily, shortening the space between them and sharply grabbing her by her arms while she groans in pain for how much his strenght hurts her. “How many people are now dead because of this same statement of yous?”

She’s afraid of him, something she never thought she’d feel. Not even when he used to threaten her to take her wristband off in their first days on Earth.

“I don’t know, Bellamy! Too many people!” Now she’s the one shouting at him. “You don’t need to tell me that I’m a terrible person, I’m totally aware of that!” Tears start streaming down her face.

He doesn’t show any change in his stance. She tries to remember something of the time she used to share the mindspace with Josephine, when she wasn’t in control of her own body. But all she wants right now is for him to hug her tight as he always does and make her pain stop. She hates that lack of emotion in the man she could always count as the heart of their relationship.

The head and the heart.

Her, being the head, needs to make him remember to use his heart. Just like him, being the heart, reminded her to use her head to come back to life.

“You asked Josephine if I could hear what you two were saying. I made a joke in morse code, do you remember?” He seems confused again and loosens the strenght in her arms, and she can see she’s in the right path. “You wanted to talk to me and she wouldn’t let me gain control over my body for that.” She raises her arms and grabs his forearms, looking for any kind of touch. “You promised me you wouldn’t let me die.” She let it slip in a painful whisper. That was her last try, she wouldn’t fight anymore. Her eyes shut while she waited for his next move.

“I’m not losing you again.” She opens her eyes wide open when she listen those words. “I’m not letting you go.”

“You remember that?” She asks while her hands hold his arms tight. “How?”

“You were dead. I was your heart.” He says with conviction. She was dead indeed, so one more uncorrupted memory.

“Yes, you were my heart.” She somehow laughs in the middle of her crying.

“And now you’re being my head.” He affirmed in a questioning tone and she agreed with her head. “Clarke, I can’t remember how I really feel about you. Everything is so foggy in my mind.” He seems lost. “But if I said that before like I remember, you must’ve been pretty importante to me.” He shuts his eyes and sighs. “I’m not killing you, even if I have to fight against this need.”

For a moment, she allows herself to stop thinking and just go with it. With such intensity and impulsiveness, she takes her hands to his neck and closes the gap between them, and seals her lips in his. He tastes like salt, but she imagines it’s because of her own tears. Surprinsily, he retributes the kiss and she feels her legs getting numb. She doesn’t wanna push away and deal with whatever consequences this Bellamy has to offer. But when it comes the time she needs to breath, she pushes her away from him and keeps staring into his eyes.

He looks surprised and she can imagine she probably looks just like him. He probably thought she wasn’t impulsive to this point, at the same time she thought he wouldn’t retribute.

“Bellamy, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t...” She’s abruptely interrupted by his lips, and her hands goes straight to his soft curls, the way she’s been fantasying for years. His hands go to her waist and he starts walking her on her back to the wall, his lips leaving hers to for her neck, already hurt that he somehow forgot. She groans in pain and he backs off scared, staring at the bruises in her neck, an injury he has made. He touches the red marks softly and she sees guilt in his eyes. She strokes his hair to tell him it’s okay, and he leads his hand to her face, brushing away a lock of her hair, just like he did years ago. She smiles and he goes back to a softer kiss, but they’re interrupted by a known voice echoing in speakers in the room.

“Enough, lovebirds, while you guys have worked things out I’ve saved the world.” Raven Reyes says with a smile in the other side of the glass.

.

She was in a hospital bed to recover from her trauma, but there wasn’t much to do beyond taking some painkillers. Her bruises were already black and blue, and hurting like hell.

Raven was retrieving Bellamy’s memories somewhere since yesterday. She has no idea how Raven discovered all of this, but she was too tired of everything to ask for any details. She just wanted to be able to hug a recovered Bellamy, his memories no more foggy.

Aparently, Anders was killed by someone of her people, but she couldn’t care less. He tortured Bellamy and corrupted his memories, he was no diferente than Russell killing her mother.

She was sitting in the bed, looking at her own feet not touching the floor. Then she heard the knob make some noise and turned her body to the door. That’s when she saw Bellamy for the first time since they broke apart and he was taken away with Raven. He enters the room and approaches her bed, his stare focusing in the bruises in her neck and arms, specially the wrists. He sits by her side, his eyes focusing on his hands on his lap.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry, I’d never hurt you in full conscieness.” She feels his teary voice reaching her, so she gets closer to him and grabs his face, making his gaze turn to her eyes.

“What have we talked right after you saved my life, when we were recovering leaning in that tree on Earth?” It was a difficult question, but she needed to know if his memories were really there.

“I said I was a monster. And you said I saved your life. And you called me a total ass.” They both laugh. “But then you said you needed me. That if I wanted forgiveness, you’d give that to me.”

She can’t avoid her tears. He remembers. It worked!

“Focus on these words, Bellamy Blake. I need you. You have my forgiveness.” She comes even closer and seals her lips in his, this time a soft kiss where he strokes her hair.

“I love you, Clarke” Her heart was racing with the confession, even though she wasn’t fully surprised. It was always there, right? All the devotion they had for each other. It was always love.

“I love you, Bellamy Blake” She truly smiles for the first time in years. “But don’t even think about apologizing for the bruisings you left in me. My intention is to have way more than that, only in a more pleasured way, for a change.”

He chuckles and she’s fascinated by the sound of his giggling. They never had time for light moments like that, for feelings like that.

They were always at war, or saving their people, or saving the human race, or simply separated without knowing if the other was alive. Like Josephine said in that cave, it was exhausting, frankly!

But right Clarke just wants to lay down with Bellamy in that bed and sleep all they couldn’t sleep in the last days.

And just like that, they ended up falling asleep curled in that tiny hospital bed, her face lying in his chest, listening to his heart, while his arms were firmly wrapped around her. That was the first time they felt safe and sound.

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Possible doubts:
> 
> 1\. Echo died somehow in the middle of the season, I'm so sad *opens the champagne*. That's why she isn't in the fanfic and because I don't like her and she already stole enough scenes from THE MAIN CHARACTERS.  
> 2\. Maddi is fine, Picasso is taking care of her, what a wonderful dog.  
> 3\. I literally said "fuck the plot" and I have no regrets, if Jason isn't capable of writing his own plot why should I?
> 
> So, I hope you liked this fanfic! Let me know about your thoughts in the comments, leave kudos, contact me!
> 
> You can find me on twitter on my fanfic account @2piecescollide.
> 
> See ya next time, good luck for us #TheJourneyIsLong


End file.
